It didn't have anything to do with the visions, funny enough...
[Well, "funny" isn't the right word given the context. But it's also true. In Raven's case, the visions actually ended up helping him more than hurting him.]
It's...complicated to tell you my wishes without a little context. Who you know as "Raven" is just a persona. A second life that I created to blend in with the guilds back home. I'd gotten attached to that life, but due to extenuating circumstances I knew it would only ever be temporary. My first wish was to keep living my life as Raven if I ever got back.
My second wish was...for Alexei's wish to come true.
[He's not sure how many people picked up on that much given how badly Alexei was trying to throw himself to the wolves.]
[ That's... all a lot. He wonders if Rita and everyone he met in his world know that already, but he thinks they must, given how close they all seem. ...Either way, that's not a subject that it will be his place to breach if he ever makes it back.
There's a distinct pang of guilt at the mention of the second wish, though. ]
I was... sort of wondering afterward, if that was the case with the second one.
[ Afterward, when it was too late to include that possibility in his consideration. But if they were both all right with it, and they both would have gotten what they wanted the most, and no one who was already dead would have come back either way, then... he really messed up with that vote, didn't he? ]
I'm sorry. I thought— I don't know how close you were to him, and it... sounded like maybe it was complicated. I just thought that if Marcus tried to take the fall for something I did here, I wouldn't be able to live with that, so I thought...
[He looks over to Phil and smiles a little, shaking his head.]
Don't be sorry, because you're exactly right. Going into this, I didn't think it would come down to me or him. I know Alexei would have been fine with taking the fall if his wish would come true anyway, but...in the end, I wasn't.
[Which would come to surprise even Alexei. It's absolutely complicated.]
I let Tenn examine me because I knew he would prioritize the truth. Even then, it was a close call...
[ He gives a small nod in response to the question, looking deeply guilty... though that subsides some as Raven continues. He still... feels like it was probably the wrong choice, but if Raven really doesn't think so himself, then... at least he can breathe a little easier. ]
I see.
[ He's still frowning at the floor and biting his lip, but after thinking all of that over for another moment, he nods again. ]
I'm... i-if it had to come down to those two options, then, I... I'm glad, I suppose, that it ended with the one you thought was better.
[ Even if it didn't really get there the right way... and even though it's still a terrible shame that anything had to come to this.
There's another moment of hesitation before he decides to add— ]
If... if it helps at all, I think your wish... maybe it did at least sort of come true, even if it... wasn't really in the right world.
So... maybe that's at least one good thing that came out of all my mistakes.
Edited (lmao came home to where i still had this tab up and immediately noticed a typo... rip) 2021-07-12 22:21 (UTC)
[Phil's not wrong about that... This really didn't have to happen at all, and there's no changing that fact. From top to bottom, this really was just one big mess that Raven definitely regrets. He should have talked Alexei out of it. He really should have. But if nothing else, at least he's rightfully behind these bars for his complacency.
When Phil starts speaking of Raven's wish, though, his eyes widen slightly in confusion.]
Ah... W-well, in Tir Na Nog, we all know the version of you who's there as Raven... and you have your friends from your world there who seem to trust you. I'm not close enough to any of you to really be able to say, but... I don't think it has to be temporary there, at least.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
It didn't have anything to do with the visions, funny enough...
[Well, "funny" isn't the right word given the context. But it's also true. In Raven's case, the visions actually ended up helping him more than hurting him.]
It's...complicated to tell you my wishes without a little context. Who you know as "Raven" is just a persona. A second life that I created to blend in with the guilds back home. I'd gotten attached to that life, but due to extenuating circumstances I knew it would only ever be temporary. My first wish was to keep living my life as Raven if I ever got back.
My second wish was...for Alexei's wish to come true.
[He's not sure how many people picked up on that much given how badly Alexei was trying to throw himself to the wolves.]
no subject
[ That's... all a lot. He wonders if Rita and everyone he met in his world know that already, but he thinks they must, given how close they all seem. ...Either way, that's not a subject that it will be his place to breach if he ever makes it back.
There's a distinct pang of guilt at the mention of the second wish, though. ]
I was... sort of wondering afterward, if that was the case with the second one.
[ Afterward, when it was too late to include that possibility in his consideration. But if they were both all right with it, and they both would have gotten what they wanted the most, and no one who was already dead would have come back either way, then... he really messed up with that vote, didn't he? ]
I'm sorry. I thought— I don't know how close you were to him, and it... sounded like maybe it was complicated. I just thought that if Marcus tried to take the fall for something I did here, I wouldn't be able to live with that, so I thought...
no subject
[He looks over to Phil and smiles a little, shaking his head.]
Don't be sorry, because you're exactly right. Going into this, I didn't think it would come down to me or him. I know Alexei would have been fine with taking the fall if his wish would come true anyway, but...in the end, I wasn't.
[Which would come to surprise even Alexei. It's absolutely complicated.]
I let Tenn examine me because I knew he would prioritize the truth. Even then, it was a close call...
no subject
I see.
[ He's still frowning at the floor and biting his lip, but after thinking all of that over for another moment, he nods again. ]
I'm... i-if it had to come down to those two options, then, I... I'm glad, I suppose, that it ended with the one you thought was better.
[ Even if it didn't really get there the right way... and even though it's still a terrible shame that anything had to come to this.
There's another moment of hesitation before he decides to add— ]
If... if it helps at all, I think your wish... maybe it did at least sort of come true, even if it... wasn't really in the right world.
So... maybe that's at least one good thing that came out of all my mistakes.
no subject
When Phil starts speaking of Raven's wish, though, his eyes widen slightly in confusion.]
What...do you mean?
no subject